When I'm not okay or you're not okay
Mar 24, 2021
Chin up! Suck it up! Just look up! These platitudes go only so far, don't they? Some losses and heartbreaks just can't be patted on the head and be sent to curl up in a corner like a good dog.
If I find the right words, the right time, and the right acts of love to encourage you through one of those big life backhands, based on how I would like to be encouraged, I may get a response that's more like a rabid dog's bite than a good dog's tail wag! Or you may leave me standing on the porch with a steaming hot meal cooked from scratch just for you! Oh, the ingratitude! (Especially infuriating if I could see your silhouette through the curtain, scurrying into hiding as you saw me stepping onto the front porch!)
That's why the trees. If I understand Boxwood's pain, I know I can't just come storming onto your holy ground uninvited. Help can feel like unwelcome pity. The timing is pretty important, and I know that any word I say needs to convey permission to have whatever emotion you're having, instead of a hint toward the silver lining as if you should not have heartbreak in a broken world.
And when I have 7 silver apples of advice for a Rosebush in crisis, along with a meal and a plan to stay right by your side day and night, I better have the tetanus shot on hand too. I may need it for myself after you come, predictably foaming at the mouth, for my jugular. Smothering will bring that out of you, won't it?
by Hettie Brittz