People do come with a manual.
Feb 08, 2023
What I, Hettie, love most about living in Tennessee for the past five years is that I can suddenly grow things. It was not the case when I still lived in South Africa. Formerly known for my ability to kill even indoor plastic plants, I can now grow almost enough wineberries, blackberries, and blueberries to provide the whole of England with jam on their morning toast. (For those who don’t know about Tennessee Backyard Berry Farmin’, the art is to just keep clear, let Mother Nature take care of things, occasionally shoo the whitetail deer away, and exaggerate your harvest story. And for those who don’t know what jam is - it’s just chunky jelly for British folks.)
People growing is so much harder than this! People don’t flourish automatically, and letting human nature run its course, is a recipe for chaos. If you have been raising kids, please say this with me in a chorus: They ought to come with a manual!
Well, actually, they do.
When you buy a sapling...
Apr 09, 2021
"Was it something I said?"
Who of you can identify with this scenario? Someone is telling you about a new phase in their life and how excited they are. You're really into the conversation as well. You think about how brave they are. How entrepreneurial, even! They may be writing their first book or planning their engagement. You can hear the hope, the anticipation, and above all the desire to share it with you, their good friend!
You want to know all about it, so you ask a question. Maybe something like, "Wow, so who did the manuscript editing for you?" or "How sure are you she'll say yes?"
Silence... and then a whole new tone of voice from the other end. "You don't believe in me much, do you?"
This time the silence is yours. Your sincere curiosity about the writing project or your fear that your friend's best life moment to date could somehow go wrong got twisted into a question mark that now hangs between the two of you and casts a shadow over...
Apr 07, 2021
"Will I ever grow up?!"
(Parenting version: "When will they ever grow up?!"
and podcast version: https://www.buzzsprout.com/.../6372202-your-tree-type-and...)
Some of you may be in the part of the woods where the patient trees are planted. My fellow hasty trees and I need to see progress DAILY. I think that is why I love spring in Tennessee. Every day my tulips are taller. I think if I stood and watched this morning, I would have been able to see the Bradford pear's blooms turn from light green to white because it happened sometime between 9 am and 11 am! Now that is maturing at a speed I can live with!
What frustrates me even more than slow growth in projects and other people in my own slow growth. My inner voice is a real nagger. She likes to say, "So how many more years do you want to...?" and she comes up with yet another piece of unfinished business. Especially around my birthday, as if I may finally grow up in time to blow out the candles with a...
Can you smell pride?
Apr 02, 2021
A heads-up to those who prefer podcasts. This post is about self-awareness and you can find the full audio story here: https://open.spotify.com/episode/5hnpJ1ZJXEtYgBjnTvALoD...
He: “You know how prideful those people are!”
Me: “I have not noticed. How did you realize their problem was pride?”
He: “Well, they’re always seeking out the spotlight and center stage.”
Me: “Aha, so those who prefer not to be behind a microphone are usually less prideful than those who like to have the microphone?”
He: “Yes, of course!”
Me: “So pride is loud, and humility is quiet?”
He: “Usually, yes!”
Me: …
Before I tell you what I would say at this point, let’s ask everyone on this platform a question: What is a greater talent – art or athleticism? GO!
Cue popcorn to watch an epic debate, right? Because...
"But are we compatible?"
Mar 31, 2021
(As usual, the non-long-social-media-post-readers have an alternative - have a listen here: https://www.buzzsprout.com/.../6372265-your-tree-type-and...)
When people get to know Hettie Brittz as "That Tree Lady," or our facilitators as Tall Tree people, they assume that we already have them profiled, and then they want us to look into their minds the way a gypsy fortune-teller looks into a crystal ball. Can we then please tell them secret information of some kind, such as whether they and a person they're in love with (usually not the same tree type) are a match?
No, we can't.
We can fairly accurately predict, though, once they have taken a profile test and showed us their result, where they will have to work a little harder to stretch across the forest trail towards the beloved tree that is not like them. It is all about intentionality, initiative, and humility.
"How badly do you want the relationship to work?" is our answer to the question...
I can't do it all!
Mar 29, 2021
Do you know the throat-clutching realization that you've dreamed up a dream that is twice the size of your wit plus your will plus your wildest vision? [For the math people, the formula is Dream = 2(wit+will+wildness)}
But you've got it kick-started, and now the momentum will carry it and you'll be like a hot air balloon pilot who can decide how high to go and when to set it down, without much control over the rest!
That's why the trees. When there is no time to run an advertisement in the local paper for a person with exactly the right paperwork and previous experience to help you out, or to do a candidate sweep on LinkedIn, or to send everyone you know for an aptitude test, a Tall Trees Leadership report will take ONLY 18 minutes, and you can put anyone who may be willing to help out through a fun and fast process to get answers.
You only need to page to the Fields of Greatness or Forces within the section in your close friends, family's or coworkers'...
"My mom and dad just don't get me!"
Mar 26, 2021
I know *technically* we're not supposed to read our children's diaries, and some would say we should stop checking their phones at some point too. But let's say, 100% hypothetically, a parent should somehow stumble unsnoopingly upon something like the phrase above, would there be a tinge of guilt? A stab of pain?
Even the most distracted or disconnected mom knows deep down, and not nearly far enough into the back of her mind, that she is supposed to be the first parent ever to elicit a coveted claim from her teen's lips: "Nobody understands me better than my mom does." And yet, here most of us moms are - guessing, reading between the sighs and the shrugs, interpreting the Whatever! and the Not now, Mom! like a hostage negotiator. Because it seems like lives could depend on us getting into their heads, doesn't it?
I know that mothers of teens often resort to the interrogation of their teen's best friend, their teen's teachers, their teen's coach, the youth pastor,...
When I'm not okay or you're not okay
Mar 24, 2021
Chin up! Suck it up! Just look up! These platitudes go only so far, don't they? Some losses and heartbreaks just can't be patted on the head and be sent to curl up in a corner like a good dog.
If I find the right words, the right time, and the right acts of love to encourage you through one of those big life backhands, based on how I would like to be encouraged, I may get a response that's more like a rabid dog's bite than a good dog's tail wag! Or you may leave me standing on the porch with a steaming hot meal cooked from scratch just for you! Oh, the ingratitude! (Especially infuriating if I could see your silhouette through the curtain, scurrying into hiding as you saw me stepping onto the front porch!)
That's why the trees. If I understand Boxwood's pain, I know I can't just come storming onto your holy ground uninvited. Help can feel like unwelcome pity. The timing is pretty important, and I know that any word I say needs to convey permission to have whatever...
Who doesn't judge?
Mar 22, 2021
(If this is too long a read and you're more of a podcast person, That Tree Lady Podcast has you covered! https://www.buzzsprout.com/1165694)
The truth may be (Iet me not sound too judgy by just coming straight out and saying the truth IS), judging is a daily constant and necessary cognitive skill that uses the same mental faculty to decide whether the coffee is strong enough (I do judge harshly when it isn't, don't I?) as it uses to judge whether Jeffery Deaver's short story is worth the $5 it costs on Kindle. And that was just yesterday's first and last judgment of the day. There were hundreds in between.
We weigh, we compare, we assess, we extrapolate based on prior misfires and bulls-eye experiences, and then we decide whether the judgment requires a decision or not. We do this in split seconds and mostly unconsciously. And then we make the call: I don't need to dump the weak coffee; I need to just stop being a snob and take it like medicine for the essential...
Not all people's faces work the same way
Mar 18, 2021
Not all people's faces work the same way. Some leak all their feelings and others have the same face for nausea as they have for nostalgia, and it barely differs from their sleep face and celebration face. Then there are the never-smilers and the permanent-grinners, the "you're not subscribed to this channel" poker faces, the perpetually surprised faces (who may or may not have had work done...), and the rubber faces who can express ecstasy and agony in high definition.
All these faces are like the Bible. The truth is in there, but you need the Holy Spirit for accurate interpretation, as well as a humble heart. Add the willingness to ask questions with sincere interest, and you MAY just arrive at an accurate reading!
Why this now? Because my heart breaks when those with the unreadable faces get labeled by the feeling leakers or smile fakers (did I forget to mention those?) as unapproachable, standoffish, hateful, blunt, or passive-aggressive.
I hear the...